Through the last several months I've been blessed to have several people say to me (and mean it), :If there is anything I can do, or if you need help with anything, please let me know."
I'm not sure what to say. This is what I would like to say, but don't know how to people who actually know me and are standing in front of me. And I feel giulty for wanting help with these things.
I need help with everything. But sometimes I'm not sure if "need" is correct or if it is simply "want". I was raised to be independent. If it's something you CAN do for yourself, then you should not have others doing it for you.
I'd like to say...I need someone to come over during the day and just be there while I juggle the daily stresses. I need someone to jump in and clean up the kitchen while I chat and comfort my kids, or discipline my kids, or try and do the other 85 things that I feel HAVE to get done today.
I need someone to come with me to me old, beloved house and help me sort through the ruins of my old, beloved life. I need someone to tell me its all right..its okay to cry just because you saw the things that made up that life and I still don't understand what happened.
I need someone to insist on watching my kids for a couple of hours just so I can get away for a couple hours and think things through...again and again. And also to tell me that it is perfectly okay to need this...that ANYONE in my situation would need this and that I am by no means "not good enough" and "not capable enough" because I feel like I just can't manage.
I need someone to tell me they understand why I am leaving a house full of our things for the bank to take...I need some one to tell me, " Of course you feel like you don't have the financial or emotional or time or space resources to empty out that house....it's because you don't."
I need someone to stop by one night with dinner and say." I came just because I wanted to see you and hang out with you and spend time with you and the kids. And I would LOVE to help you, or even DO the kids bedtime. " And after they're in bed, I need someone to take me out on the porch and say, "Tell me again how you feel. I know you've said it 100 times, and maybe need to say it 100 more times, but I want to hear it again. It's okay to still feel this way. It doesn't mean you're deficient. "
I need someone to tell me they understand the pain I feel when my husband implies that our 4 year old is to blame for things that he (my husband) stole. I need to explain the panic and worry I feel when our sons are with him...that I believe while he is not physically harming or neglecting them, that their dad is not a good man or a good father and that they are being harmed in other ways. But not in ways that any court would consider "harm", and not in ways that I could prove anyway. Just the fact that husband has no idea how to be a decent human being, and I believe my kids will be harmed by that.
I don't even know how to talk about these things.
6 hours ago
4 comments:
I wish that I could give you those things. You are right, that it is okay to talk about them over and over and you are right to cry over the loss of what you had. It doesn't mean you have failed or are deficient. Giving you HUGE hugs from far away and praying for peace and resolution and for your boys...
Just open up. You are so articulate here I'm sure you can give people a hint about what's going on and what you need.
I hate asking for help too, but put yourself in the other position. Would you help someone who was going through this? Of course you would! Just remember that.
I hope there is someone close by that can do these things for you. You need help.
I hope writing this helped--there is so much going on that you need to sort through.
That was pretty articulate right there! Thanks for the good list of ideas that any of us can use when a friend is going through a rough time. I remember when my 5th baby was 6 weeks old and my father-in-law had a stroke. My husband left for a week, and every single evening one of my older neighbors came by at 6:30 just to help. She'd hold the baby while I bathed the little boys; or she'd read to the boys while I nursed the baby. Yes, I could have managed without her; but her being there made everything so much easier!
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